Kiss Me, Sweet Master!
by TheMacUnleashed
Summary: Or: The failed relationships of Ahsoka Tano. Crack!fic. Chapter four: In which a certain Captain Rex finds himself involved.
1. Are You Hitting on me?

"Gee, Master, this ship sure is hot, isn't it?" remarked the sixteen year old Ahsoka. "I mean, I'm practically sweating! It's a good thing that I wear so little clothing; otherwise, I bet I would smell like a decaying Gungan."

Anakin didn't bother glancing up from the latest battle report that he was supposedly reading, but actually was just serving to hiding a love letter from Padme. "It is a bit stuffy in here," he said absentmindedly. "Why don't you open a window?"

Ahsoka sighed and shook her head. "Come on Master!" she cried playfully. "Don't tell me you forgot we were in space!" She crossed the room and sat beside him on the large couch he was on.

She rested her head on his shoulder. "Soo, what are you reading?"

Anakin quickly shuffled the papers, so that the letter was towards the bottom. "Oh, just battle reports. What are you doing?"

His padawan appeared not to have heard him. "I _do_ believe that it's gotten hotter in here! You don't mind if I turn down the lights, do you?" Without waiting for an answer, she waved a hand, and the lights lowered. "Didn't help much," she murmured. "You know, I think I feel a disturbance in the Force…" She reached out over his shoulder, as if to grab on to the disturbance, then stopped and let her right arm fall across Anakin's shoulder. "Guess it was nothing," she said brightly.

Ahsoka shifted her body so that she was now facing Anakin. "Master," she began, staring at him with a strange look in her eyes. "You look really good in this light."

Anakin glanced at her, slightly uncomfortable. "Um, thanks." He had no idea whether or not to return the compliment, so he just remained silent.

His Padawan persisted. "I mean it. In the dim light you look really… pulchritudinous."

Wondering how Ahsoka had learned such a word, Anakin offered her a weak smile. "Thanks, Padawan. You look… nice too, I guess."

Ahsoka laughed an annoyingly preppy laugh. "Thanks, Master. Although, I'm sure I don't look as good as you do tonight…" She raised her left hand and started running a finger along her Master's cheekbone.

Anakin, who had been so busy wondering how she knew that it was night, didn't notice the hand, at first. Then he became aware of it. Reaching up, he gently lowered the hand. Unfortunately, his stubbornness had rubbed off on his Padawan, and she tried again. "Padawan, what are you playing at- _Oh._" He stared at the Togruta in wonder.

"Ahsoka," he tried to keep his tone as gentle as possible, just in case he was interpreting her actions wrong –he never _was_ that good at deciphering the behavior of women, "Are you hitting on me?"

Ahsoka smiled coyly. "What do _you_ think, Master?"

"Please tell me you are kidding." His Padawan's sly smile was enough of an answer for Anakin.

"Kiss me sweet Master," whispered Ahsoka, an excited fire in her blue-green eyes. "Kiss me!"

"Oh… Oh Force no!" yelled Anakin, leaping up from the couch, and making no attempt to hide his emotions. "This is _not_ going to work. First of all, I have absolutely _no_ romantic interest in you. Second of all, we are two different species. Third, we're Jedi, although that really doesn't matter that much because no one pays attention to that part of the Code. And finally, I'm married- oh, son of a Sith!" Anakin wasn't sure how far Ahsoka had wanted to go, but he was fairly certain that this was a _bit_ further than she had planned. "This is _not _going to end well, is it?"


	2. What a Tangled Web we Weave

Ahsoka was staring at him. He could feel it more than he could see it.

_After all, _thought Anakin, _it's hard to see anything when you have your head in your hands. _

He could also feel her glare. Finally, daring to speak again, he said, "So, it's okay for you to hit on me, but not for me to get married?"

The glare didn't stop. "Attachment is forbidden. Marriage is attachment. Whatever I-implied, it was not attachment."

Anakin was about to make a comment about emotional attachment compared to physical attachment, but then decided that it wasn't appropriate for a story rated K+. Instead, he lifted his head and returned his apprentice's glare.

"I'm the Chosen One. I can do whatever I want."

Ahsoka's glare darkened. "So it's just me, then?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Am I that hideous?"

"Did you hear nothing in our previous conversation? I am human. You are not. Hence, we cannot accurately judge the other's rate of attractiveness."

"But I think you're hot!"

"Well, just because you think I am, doesn't necessarily mean that I am- Wait a minute…"

As Anakin contemplated the tangled web that he had weaved, Ahsoka decided to change the subject. "So, who are you married to?"

"I already revealed my secret, I'm not about to reveal Padmé's secret too!" Then, as he realized what he said, he taught his Padawan a good deal of new vocabulary.

Looking interested, the Padawan in question asked "Senator Padmé Amidala? That would explain why you always call her Padme, and she goes psycho at anyone else who tries to call her that." Then, reality hit her. "OMF! You married a _politician_!"

Now, Anakin's glare darkened. "What does OMF mean? And there's nothing wrong with politicians."

"It means Oh My Force. And come on. You can't trust _politicians_."

"The entire republic is ruled by politicians."

"That sort of proves my point."

"That sounds like Separatist talk to me!"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, you and your Separatists." Then, changing the subject, she asked, "How come that Amidala girl is allowed to hit on you, and I'm not."

"I hit on her. And don't call Padmé 'that Amidala girl'."

"And now you're telling me not to hit on you?" Her stare, which before could have only been defined as 'as harsh as a lightsaber', had turned incredulous.

"Well, things were different back then."

"So, what's keeping me from telling all the Council Members?" It was a good question, but Anakin had prepared an answer for it.

"The pictures I have of you." Before, he would have thought that his apprentice hadn't done anything that he could threaten her with, but after this discussion…

The Chosen One was proven correct. Ahsoka's eyes bugged out for a second, and her mouth fell open, but she quickly regained her composure. "Pictures? What pictures? I haven't done anything regrettable! No siree, not me!" She smiled, creating an almost believable façade of innocence.

Anakin smiled.


	3. Rebounding

**A/n: It's been a long time, I wasn't actually going to do this… Chapter 2 was supposed to be the end, much like this chapter. Reviews are always appreciated. Oh, and I don't own the very first line of dialogue… Fleetwood Mac does.**

"Sweet, wonderful you! I loved you from the moment that I saw your face." Ahsoka Tano smiled down at the wide orange –although she preferred to call the shade _amber_**- **eyes possessed by the loveliest man she knew.

Well, technically, he wasn't a _man_, but wasn't that irrelevant?

The Togruta sat back with a satisfied sigh. No doubt running away in the dead of night had been the best choice of her life! Although the Jedi were currently offering a 5,000 credit reward for her safe return, and Anakin a 10,000 credit reward for her unsafe return, no bounty hunters had come after her as of yet! She had a decent job working with her lover, a good home, and, best of all, she was almost entirely over her little 'obsession' with Anakin.

How could anything go wrong?

Just as she was tickling the soft, short hairs beneath her boyfriend's chin, a service droid appeared. "Mistress Tano? It appears you have a visitor."

Ever the stickler for accuracy, the Togruta glared. "It _appears_? Either I do, or I don't! Which is it, EllBee?"

Had the droid been able to look embarrassed, it wouldn't have. "You have a visitor, Mistress Tano."

"Much better! Now, who is it?"

The droid gave a slight cough; it had been doing that since the last time she had thrown a rock at its head-dome. "It is a Mister NotAnakinSkywalker."

Ahsoka smiled. She liked the sound of that name! "Send him in, Ell."

The man who entered was not at all what she had expected.

The Togruta leaped to her feet, her hand instinctively flying to her hip, before she remembered that her saber was gone. "You're Anakin Skywalker!"

The Chosen One raised his eyebrows. "I trained you better than that! Remember the time you trashed our apartments because you let in a NotAsajjVentress?"

She pouted slightly. "How dare you attempt to rob me of my naturally trusting nature?"

He sighed, and didn't bother answering. That said too much for the young Togruta to bear, and her lower lip began to quiver. "How could you just abandon me like that?"

Before an expression of confusion and disbelief could even cross his face, Ahsoka's boyfriend gave a soft cry. No doubt the receptive youth had picked up on her distress.

She rushed to comfort him. "Quiet, sweet love! All is right."

He gave her a small smile before giving a little sigh and falling asleep.

Anakin watched all this happen with a slightly disturbed expression on his face. "Sweet love? Ahsoka, he's-"

She glared at him. "Don't even think about it. He's one heck of a lot better to me than you ever were!"

He raised his eyes. "Still using the prudish swears, I see."

The Chosen One pondered that, as she replied with some decidedly un-prudish words, that he probably should have seen that one coming.

Anakin glanced around at the tropical indoor setting: It had to be within an enclosure; Force knew that outside was enough of an arid climate to last one's lifetime! "Just how did you end up here?"

The still-officially-a-Padawan shrugged. "I just followed my heart. It reminded me of a place where I was welcome… Where I was loved."

The knight rolled his eyes. "Ahsoka, we went over this before. The Jedi –_Most_ Jedi**- **aren't supposed to love. I can. What about that don't you understand?"

Softly stroking her lover's head, she glared at him. "That's not what Master Plo said!"

"And just what did he say?"

She raised her shoulders. "Basically the opposite." Her scarlet nose wrinkled. "I don't want to go with him, though. Kissing him… It'd be like kissing my Master!"

Noticing his look, she was quick to add "If he wasn't you, and all that."

Anakin sighed and sat down onto the smooth grey tiles. "There's a word for this, Ahsoka."

Judging by the look on her face, she was aware of that. "Don't. Say. It."

He had to. "Rebounding, Padawan. It's called rebounding. He's a _Hutt_, apprentice."

Her arms went firmly around Rotta's bulk. "I love him! He's my precious Stinky!"

"Rebounding, Padawan. You're rebounding."


	4. What's Bothering You?

"What's bothering you, little 'un?"

Ahsoka glanced up at Rex. "Oh, nothing." She gave a clichéd and melodramatic sigh. "I mean, I'm just a child in the middle of war. It's not like you'll ever see me showing any sort of serious psychological repercussions."

"Very true." The clone nodded sagely. "Being in the midst of war is just another day, and it should be portrayed as such. But still, you look a bit sad. Sure there's nothing you want to talk about?"

"Of course not!" She sent a moody glare in his direction. "And anyway, why would you think I'm sad?"

"Well, you are sitting by yourself in the middle of the ship's cargo-bay. You haven't spoken to anyone since we stormed Tatooine, and I'm guessing that the Jedi along, with the rest of the Republic, are going to be a bit miffed at losing all of the Hyperspace routes Jabba controls. I mean, that kid of his did get caught up in the crossfire, so I can understand his logic in handing them over to the Separatists, but still. Understanding doesn't make things easier to accept." He paused, counting off the reasons behind his theory of her unhappiness on his fingers. "Oh! And, tears are slowly running down your face and you're periodically giving small, pathetic-sounding groans."

On cue, she let out another sniffle, and wiped at her eyes. "That means nothing! I could've been, you know, peeling onions or something. Or maybe these are tears of happiness at the prospect of being dragged back to the Temple O' Torture to continue my training under one of the most gorgeous men ever, who refuses to look my way!" She shrugged. "Really, there's a variety of reasons for me to be expelling salty liquid from my eyes, and I think you're being unfair and stereotypical by assuming something has gone wrong in my life just because I'm crying."

"Sorry, then." Rex gently patted her shoulder and, in an attempt to smooth things over between them, sat down next to her. "So, why are you all alone back here? Well, I mean, you aren't alone now; I pretty much ruined that. But before."

"Oh, I don't know. I guess because in my heart I'm lonely, with no one to turn to, so I chose to have my settings mimic that."

"Ah." Rex frowned, thinking: What could upset such a pretty, young, powerful, accomplished, physically fit –heck, she was almost _too _perfect- Jedi Padawan? He recalled briefly what he knew about teenage girls. "Are you feeling insecure?"

She gave him a surprised look. "No, of course not. I could take out that kriffed-up Senator whenever I wanted to!"

"That's good, I guess." What other problems plagued the stereotypical teenager? "Are your clothes giving you problems?"

"Oh, no!" She smiled. "I have so much more freedom of movement in them, and I look a lot better than that stupid senator!"

"Again, good." Grasping at straws he asked. "Is it a boy?"

She gasped. "Am I that transparent?"

"No, of course not." That _was_ the right answer, he hoped. "Er… will you tell me about him?"

"I wasn't going to, but since you asked… He's gorgeous, with a strong, muscular body and blonde hair that falls gently into his eyes –and I can only call his eyes _azure_, because blue doesn't start to describe them. He has the most attractive smile, and when he shows it the galaxy stops and he is all that exists." She sighed. "But he doesn't love me! No, his heart has been promised to another, and I am forced to live with him day by day, knowing that he will never crave me in the way I do him."

"That's too bad?" What _was_ he supposed to say?

"I know." She sighed dramatically. "I don't know if I can move on from this terrible insult, and this blow to my ego. You don't know what it's like, Rex, to be slighted by the one you love most!"

Hadn't she just said she wasn't feeling insecure? "Little 'un, I'm sure plenty of boys will be drooling over you."

"But- but- not _him_!" Tears streamed down from her eyes. "Name one other boy who likes me!"

Dare he reveal his deepest feelings? "Well, er… you know…"

"No, I don't know!"

"Well… I do." The last part came out in a rush, and the words sounded as slurred as that time he had tried Corellian ale with Anakin Skywalker last year (had it really been that long ago they had walked through the camp hanging onto each other's shoulders, laughing and making fun of the "…old, stiff, grumpy Master Ob'wan…" ?)

"Did you just say that Bly does?" Suddenly it was as though a new life had been injected into her sea-colored eyes as she perked up noticeably. "Really? I never thought about it, but he is kind of handsome, with his yellow armour, and that cute haircut. I mean, I thought he and Master Aayla were a thing, but I'm glad they're not; a guy as wonderful as him doesn't deserve such a loose dresser as she is! This is awesome, and he's even on the ship right now!" She turned to Rex, grinning. "Thanks so much! Now I can flaunt him in front of Anakin, and make him jealous, all while getting another guy's opinions of me!"

"Ah… you're welcome, Ahsoka…" _This is _not_ going to go over well, is it?_

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**A/n: Yes, it's been about five months since I updated. Yes, more updates probably will happen. Do I know when I'll update again? No, though it hopefully will be in under five months. Will this turn into a Rexsoka? I honestly don't know.**


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